Let It Be

Mount Rainier 2023

Steve’s birthday is in 13 days. He would have been 65. This is a strange thing to think about, because he died when he was still 63 years old. We celebrated his birthday, after his death on September 27th of 2025, on October 14th with a fire, a charcuterie board that his sister Eleanor  brought form Seattle, a non-alcoholic toast, and Led Zeppelin. There were just five of us, but that was all I could handle at that time. Sheila, Elizabeth, and the kids and I planted a Douglas Fir at the front of the house, and three months after Steve’s passing, his body was delivered back to Lopez in the form of beautiful compost. I spread a couple large bags of his body around the tree by myself when my parents were in India, and then when they returned, the rest of his compost was spread around this beautiful property where I live. Last Sunday, the 27th of September, his obituary was posted in the Seattle Times - on the year anniversary of his passing. It was a beautiful tribute, and I think I did right by my deceased soul mate of almost 28 years.

I have not written on WelcomeToTheGrit for most of September. The last couple weeks, I took a ten day hiatus from Lopez Island, the longest I have spent away in the 20 years I have lived here. Mostly I did not travel because Steve had to work, and we have always had dogs and cats. I also hated to be separated from Steve. It was so strange to be at motels in Tacoma, Paulsbo, and Port Townsend, and not have him at home awaiting my several calls a day. But I got through it. Mostly music has been helping me. I bought some clothes and headphones when I was off island with my sister, and these are feeling like happy additions to my life.

I have been exhausted since I returned to Lopez. I spent two nights at Sunnyfield Farm, my sister’s home, before returning to my cat and my trailer. I have seen the kids everyday, and I am excited to have a total reset after spending five days at a behavioral health hospital in Tacoma. We drove out to Crescent Lake on the peninsula after spending a few nights in motels taking care of a lot of drama and business, which I will not get into. The drive and time spent at Crescent Lake fed me deeply. It was a nice reprieve after several days on the road, unsure of where we were headed next. Right when we parked at the lake, a huge Raven flew over my head. We then jumped off a dock and went for a half-hour morning swim before the sunshine crested the horizon. The water was warm and clear, and fed both me and my sister’s bodies and spirits.

I purchased a stuffed Sasquatch at the gas station in Sequim, and I named him Boogers. My two nights at Sunnyfield we played with Boogs, tossing him around in the air; me and the kids. I have been sleeping with him. On his foot it says, “iBelieve”, and it is a subtle reminder. I needed to enter into the light. I needed to renew my relationship with God and my higher power. I was close to the edge of darkness, and I desperately needed to find God and let the light in. I found my way out on the road, and I feel changed and renewed in so many ways. Thank you to all of you out there who have been praying for my mental health. I am living a new life at home, and I can tell something has shifted. I feel positive, and I have found my inner peace. My life was here waiting for me, and though it was only ten days that I was gone, it is apparent and amazing to me how much has evolved and transformed. Sometimes we need to ask for help.