Avoid, Distract, Diverge, Let Go

When we are having an interpersonal conflict, whether it is with a family member, a co-worker, or a friend, we may have to avoid a situation or a reality for a short while to gather ourselves. In this avoidance, we may be able to find our center, and get in touch with our soft intuitive inner voice; our authentic self. Particularly those of us with codependency, abandonment issues, or issues with a sense of positive belonging; it may be hard to immediately deal with a person that has become difficult for us to deal with, do to an interpersonal conflict. In program language, we put principles above personalities. However, to get solid in this sense of external value, we may need to first find our center. For some of us, this personal inner authenticity may be a soft voice. Our histories may have come from a place of dysfunction, be full of a past where we were misunderstood, or where we suffered in silence before reaching out for help. We may need to outsource to our own personal spiritual advisors and get the support we need to feel solid once again and able to constructively cope with the current conflict with said person or situation in our lives.

Another way to get us out of ourselves during times of conflict or interpersonal distress, is to distract ourselves. This may be simply finding alone time and a good book to read. This may look like reaching out to someone we are comfortable with and having a conversation or going for a walk. This may also look like doing something for someone else, an act of service or a selfless activity that essentially derails us from our current toxic situation. Once we gain adequate space, and lose ourselves in a constructive or joyful activity, we can then return to brainstorming ways to deal with the conflict at hand. Distraction may have a negative connotation, but if we are using healthy forms of distraction, I believe it can be very healthy. Getting creative, brewing medicine or magic, looking to the stars or to nature are awesome ways to distract and derail ourselves from negativity in our lives.

Divergence, the way of the willful child, can also feel liberating. Basically, doing something completely outside of the norm; something healthy and legal, but that may be seen as socially divergent. Leaving your car unlocked, talking to someone out of the ordinary, parking a little crooked, walking barefoot down a city street, going out to coffee or the grocery store in your pajamas, calling in to work for a mental health day, eating whatever you want, these are all common and legal ways to practice an act of divergence. In my opinion, this type of activity can result in reprogramming ourselves to a place where we then feel unstuck. We make our own personal impact, and in this way foster a stronger sense of self and individuality.

In the end, we may realize that we are powerless over a certain person or situation in our lives where there is conflict, and that changing this person and situation is beyond our personal control. After we have taken space, distracted ourselves, and properly rebelled to nurture our inner child, we can then return to the situation and to reality, and feel relieved as we actively engage in the process of letting go. In this way; avoiding, distracting, diverging, and letting go… we have taken a whole journey within ourselves and allowed for a transformation that helps us resolve the conflict within ourselves, and then when we return to the person or situation, we are at peace. We have transported ourselves to a place of inner peace and serenity, and we may realize that we have no interest in fighting with the person or situation any longer. We have completely worked through and transformed our anger, and found that we no longer need to be right or righteous. We are humbled, and can return to a place of cooperation and kindness.