The Gravity of Pain
Gravity effects everything on this planet. We are all pulled to this earth within our bones, and this commonality can provide some perspective. We all have our own pain. Great or small, it is still our pain and we feel it. In this we are the same. I cannot measure my pain against yours because essentially the amount of pain is irrelevant. The mere fact that we both experience it means our pain is of equal value. Similar to gravity, our pain pulls us inward. Some may feel a small amount of pain with severe acuteness, and another may feel a large amount of pain as a dull ache. Our experiences differ, but it is still pain. Pain is pain the world around, and we can find solace in this fact. Collectively we are human beings with a vast array of experiences, but like gravity, we all feel and experience pain. Be it psychological, mental and emotional, or physical, the real fact is that we hurt. Babies, old folks, even animals… we do have this one thing in common.
When I speak about or write about my struggles, I am hoping that someone out there can relate. It is in this relating that we feel less alone. Pain can be a solitary experience, and often when experiencing great sadness or grief, we pull inwards. We often isolate while experiencing sadness. Perhaps that is the purpose of a wake, to collectively experience our sadness and ultimately love for the person who has passed. Great pain resembles great love. We can experience love on a grand scale as well. Similar to light and dark, love and pain are two sides of the same coin. In this way, our losses are also a measure of how much we have loved.
Perhaps my experiences that have caused me pain in this life, are an opportunity to expand in love within my being. I can use this suffering to deeply understand the world around me, and as I transform these experiences through my writing and creativity, I can replace the void of my pain with deep love. Sharing with others my struggles and experiences helps me transform my pain into love. The grief that I feel provides perspective. Similar to gravity, the grief that I feel is universal. Sharing it with others, I know that I am not alone, and as I am seen and witnessed in a healing environment, I can let the love that others feel towards me sink into the the muscles of my pain and serve as a healing tonic. This pain then can be my guide to love.
I am deeply in love with my man, my dog, and my cat. When they leave me, I will feel the weight of this love in the language of pain. But still, in my heart, I will always carry the love that I feel for these three miraculous beings. They are my universe, but my universe will expand when they ultimately leave me. Perhaps the pain that I will feel in the wake of their existence and the co-mingling of their existence with mine, can be a useful tool in bonding with future beings. Written on my existence are the striations of all those I have loved and lost. The rock that I am will find it’s place on this planet among the others, and I will wear these striations and be comforted by the mark that other’s have left in the core of my being. Perhaps wearing these patterns of grief, others will recognize me and new connection can take place. My pain may transform over time, but the mark will always be there on my soul. This is how we can know love. We can feel our pain and allow it to transform, transform those around us and transform ourselves.
It is in great pain that I find great strength and resolve, and I can then flow naturally towards connection and healing. But first I must recognize the universal texture of my grief. I am not alone. I am connected. I am connected by love and pain. If we as human beings are honest, we will see this universal truth. Just like gravity, we are all affected. There is no reason to be alone. We just have to get real. Really, I am no different than you and you are no different than me. This should be comforting, not scary, though still, it scares some of us at our core.