Finding Hope and Support
I am not alone. I have recently discovered online Mental Health Support Groups (MHSG) online through Washington NAMI Connections. [Link: https://www.namiwa.org/connectionsupportgroups ] I have heard that Minnesota has good NAMI Connections resources as well. This has been a game changer for me. I have friends near and far in this country, USA, and the world, that are mental health consumers. I found most of them through AA. It is pretty cool that AA now accepts and welcomes the Mentally Ill into their fold. It truly is an amazing Fellowship. I am grateful for these NAMI Connections MHSGs as well as the twelve step programs of AA and Al-Anon.
I have a sponsor in both AA and Al-Anon. It seems in these MHSGs, that we are each other’s sponsors. It is organized a little differently than AA and Al-Anon, but it is still a very safe place for me to talk about my mental health issues. There is always a facilitator in the group, and we are encouraged to follow guidelines and principles, and to greatly respect every person that has shown up for the group. I find that I can truly be myself. Lately, I have realized that I am dealing with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) burnout. It is a very real thing. I believe I have had ASD my entire life, but I am very talented at what we call Masking, and this has allowed me to appear mostly normal throughout my life, except of course when I am/was in active relapse with my Schizoaffective Disorder - Bipolar Type. I am receiving the best care from UW Harborview Mental Health and Addiction Services currently, as well has help and support from my Therapist/Social worker. Everything is helping as I once again navigate the very difficult and strange world of mental illness.
Today, I attended a creative writing MHSG and I wrote a poem that I shared on FaceBook. It was a sweet group, and per usual, I felt supported and seen. Out here on Lopez Island, we have minimal Mental Health Support Services, so most of the support I receive in this area is online. I have my local AA, and I am hoping that our Lopez Island Family Resource Center (LIFRC) soon acquires a Peer Counselor once again, so that I can have an actual In Person Mental Health Support Group here on Lopez Island. I also attended a Co-ed AA meeting at 10am, a Women’s AA group at 4pm, and am looking forward to an LGBTQ Al-Anon meeting this evening at 8pm. I am doing my best to continue being a caregiver for my sick and disabled partner, and this is the main reason I am in ASD burnout. Caregiving is no small task. I am so happy and grateful that Steve is receiving treatment, is sober, and still very much alive and in my life. He has been my mental health rock for these last 27 years, and I do not know what I would do without him.
I did yell on my porch this evening. I worry about upsetting the neighborhood with my yelling, as well as my sweet dog, Jay. I am not perfect, and when I am in a mental health relapse, I have less control over my emotions. Right now, I feel happy and at peace. I am listening to a 20 minute guided meditation by Sinead O’Connor, and it is very relaxing. I am so very sorry that she did not survive menopause and her mental health relapse she had before passing. I did feel less alone when I heard of her hardship. This is the essence of these NAMI Connections MHSGs. It is about feeling seen, validated, and knowing that we are not alone in our struggles. We are all in this together. I encourage any person struggling with mental illness to explore this world of connection and support. It has changed my life forever, and I am so ever grateful.
My Poem from my Creative Writing MHSG this afternoon:
I believe I need to wait.
Patience and pausing are good for me.
My partner, who is so supportive
Has always said to me: "Just wait."
We have been in love for
More than twenty seven years.
In this time, there have been
Moments of waiting.
Waiting to forgive, waiting for the truth.
I have come to believe
That waiting helps me stay in the moment.
Pausing when I want to
Buy or say something proves fruitful.
The Quakers call it "seasoning".
So, it is good to wait in my opinion.
I believe good things come to those
That wait.
And this is okay.
We don't always get everything we want,
But if we just wait
We may get exactly what we need.