A New Leaf

My back went out the other day. I had an episode in the village, walking in circles and hollering my pain. I have not had an episode like this since I was 25. That was 22 years ago. I also remembered that I have been in Menopause since I was 35. Everything changes. Menopause coupled with the death of my 27 year partner, I truly am undergoing a transformation.

It is as though I am in a lag. Like when you are flying and going from one flight to another, and there is a LAG. That is what I am in right now. I am okay with it. Why? Because I am painting for the first time in a decade, I am meeting new people, I am getting out there, and I am even playing music. I’ve joined a board (Solid Waste Alternative Project) as I have always been passionate about garbage. I literally wanted to be a garbage man when I grew up. What a dream!

My actual dream, to go back to school. That is the moral of the book I put out in 2017. That I might have the perseverance and solidified hope one day to go back to school. I am doing that this fall. I spent all of my savings on an Herbalism class. I’ve purchased my textbooks, and now I get to study up all summer and anticipate an amazing online class with other passionate people who want to learn more about themselves, their bodies, and the ancient craft of healing with Plant Medicine. A passion I have had since I was seventeen. The same year I became disabled and met Steve, my late partner.

When my lower back goes out, it is my body telling me to take a break. It has always been obvious in this way. I deserve a break. I deserve some aquatic therapy, some laughs, and some good times. Steve would want that for me. He would want me to stay safe, spend some money, and find contentment living alone with my cat and my dog.

We are doing well. It has been a ride for sure since September 2025 when Steve left this world. I have found a new passion for AA, and a new 5am daily meeting I am in love with. Things are definitely getting better, and that is the point, the purpose, and the driving force behind it. Behind everything. Hope, Improvement, and carrying on with this New Leaf.