Seizing Connection

Over the weekend, I went to a musical festival here on Lopez Island. It has been running for four years, and I have attended for the last two. I went two evenings in a row, and was there about five hours each night. Yesterday, I took a long nap, and slept through the night having gotten exhausted and over stimulated, but in a good way. Both nights I took my pills late, and so didn’t wind down until at least midnight, as my pills take two to three hours to kick in. I usually take them at five pm and am useless and drugged by eight. Zyprexa, my major medication which treats my Schizoaffective disorder, really knocks me out and I get dizzy, sleepy and very “stoned”. It feels similar to being intoxicated, though sober. It is a life saving medication, and I am on a medium to high dose of the drug.

Recently, I acquired a new doctor through UW Addiction and Mental Health Services at Harborview in Seattle. I meet with this psychiatrist virtually. I have a lot of faith in him, though he may be retiring soon as my last private psychiatrist just did. I do feel confident, however, that I will be able to find a doctor easily at this same institution. We are losing the UW at our local clinic here on Lopez Island and currently do not have a primary physician. It is a battle that we as a community are fighting; to save our much needed clinic. We need this service in our community of about three thousand people, but the fight has proved challenging to find a hospital that will take us on permanently. Hopefully, I will be able to continue my mental health treatment through the UW even though they are retiring the clinic here where I ideally have a primary care physician. If not, I may have to look to Island Hospital in Anacortes, or possibly United General Peace Health in Sedrow Woolley where Steve is currently receiving his cancer treatment.

I had not been out in a while. Briefly, I went to the Islander Resort last Halloween, and before that I attended the Lopez Uncovered Musical Festival last August. Even though there is a lot of music and other events that I could attend, I tend to still avoid indoor public venues due to Steve being immunocompromised. We do receive the occasional bug from my sister’s children who I desperately need to be around. They bring so much light and love into my life. This can prove challenging for Steve, and it is a difficult decision at times for me to face. Still to this day, neither Steve nor I have gotten Covid.

I felt so connected after the festival, and had several long conversations with dear old friends I had not seen for some time. I filled them in on my current challenges in life. I also danced with and sat with my family, and many good friends and acquaintances from this small and intimate community. I feel so loved and held by so many people on Lopez. I also have been running, setting up and chairing our one in person AA meeting here on Lopez Island, and I feel very connected there as well. For a few years, around the time of the pandemic and after, I attended AA virtually every day. I found many communities on the web. This connection has been good, but seeing people in the flesh is important… having my boots on the ground and my bare feet immersed and grounded in the real and alive environment that surrounds me. Dancing and appreciating the art of music with fellow people is a magical experience. There is another festival for three days at the end of September here, and I hope to attend this festival as well. Being in public and being seen and held and hugged by real living people has me on a certain sort of high. I love my small universe of my home and my family, but it is good to know there are many good people out there to connect with. Connection is what matters most in life. It is through connection that we prosper and feel and experience healing. I hope to continue this path of healing and connection, both to the earth and to community. The opportunity is there to seize everyday.