Serenity Meets Calamity

Life is so precarious and precious. I myself have often been lost in worry or stress, and I’ve lost the moment. I have existed either in my past, worrying about past ills, or worried about my future, either with my health or potential goals and aspirations. But truly, all we have is today. We can take it or leave it. But here I am, existing on this simple island in my humble abode, and what is real is right before me. I suffer with delusional thinking, specifically psychosis, and I can forget that there is a real world right at my finger tips. When I have spent a significant amount of time out of touch with reality, I find returning to reality hopeful. Often my delusions can be scary or tenuous realities to endure, so in a way it is a relief to return to my insignificance. But the truth is that every living being, every person, animal, insect and tree is extremely precious. I have friends in the here and now. I have a handful of folks who enjoy my writing, and I actually am grateful for my relative presence. My presence, my existence, is significant in its insignificance.

Often when we deal with hardship, if we come around to acceptance and hope, we can find great meaning in the hardship. One of my favorite concepts as of late is ‘meeting calamity with serenity’. Somehow, without the hardship, I can lose sight of the blessing. But the shadow, the balance, can show me the way to feeling full of life and gratitude. Nothing is a guarantee in life, and so all of the guarantees that I do experience right now; my lover, my dog, my shelter, my ability to walk and pray and sing, all of these guarantees become highlighted in the awareness that I am so blessed to receive them. The fact that I can and will lose my loved ones someday, teaches me that they, my relationships, are the most valued possessions that I have. People, and sometimes animals, or living beings, are what truly matter. The size of my house, the cost of my wardrobe, the amount of followers or likes I receive on social media, these things are truly unimportant. For years I have been shedding my personal belongings in various forms, just so I can sit deeper with the reality that stuff is not what is important in this life. Many could say that belongings are actually distracting us from the present. And in this way, they are also distracting us from love.

Still, time, stuff, and abilities can be vehicles for generosity. And these exchanges can help us build friendships and relationships. I can give of my attention to a fellow human who is new to sobriety, and I can volunteer my time at a local charity or non-profit, all while making a real difference in people’s lives. Building loving, respectful and supportive relationships is doubling down on what truly matters in life. You, me, them… we are what matters. But it is in our exchanges, that we build trust and hope. These are so valuable, and they also keep us in the present. We remain hopeful even as we face our darkest moments, fears and realities, if we have connection with those around us. We can reach out to the living and we can have valuable life experiences. If I share my money or things, this may help to express my gratitude for all that I have and retain, as well as bless another’s life. We are taught self-preservation. We are raised by a world of pain to believe that sharing our wealth or time is a huge waste. But it is not. It is in the giving and the spending of our time, money and skills that we keep the love flowing. In the balance, in the flow, of light and dark and up and down, I can find true appreciation for all that my life is, has been, and will be. Right now, I can know this. Right now, I can look deep into the darkness and the struggle, and see the light on the other side, in the present moment. This is how I will find the true value of my life and of those with whom I love. This is how I meet calamity with serenity.